51 Ways To Avoid Trick Or Treaters
30 October 2007Halloween is here again and if you are anything like me you will do anything to avoid trick or treaters. Here is a list I have compiled with suggestions to help keep the little scamps away from your door. Feel free to add to the list!
1) The pub is your friend
2) Catch the 7.00 showing of that film you have a slight interest in seeing at the cinema
3) Disconnect your door bell
4) Arm your door with nails, or similar stabbing weapons to avoid knocking
5) Sellotape your letter box
6) Turn your stereo/telly up really loud and pretend you don’t hear, or alternatively: -
7) Hide behind the couch and pretend you are not in
9) Move to an unpopulated island
10) Develop a reputation in your street as a loner/odd ball
11) Move to a country where Halloween is not celebrated
12) Work late
13) Advertise the fact that you have a highly contagious tropical disease
14) Get a big “Beware of the dog” sign
15) Back it up with dog barking/growling sound effects
16) Erect a barbed wire fence
17) Put a “wet paint” sign on your fence
18) Work night shift
19) Visit a late night supermarket between 7 and 10pm
20) If during the year a ball is kicked into your garden, do not give it back
21) Pay your annual visit to the gym
22) Get arrested during the day
23) If 14 and 15 didn’t do the trick, then why not actually buy a big dog
24) Borrow a big dog off your mate John. If you don’t have a mate called John, another mate will do.
24) Construct your house out of gingerbread
25) Turn off all your lights
26) Have a really bad personal hygiene problem and make sure everyone in your street knows about it
27) Construct a moat. Fill with crocodiles if possible.
28) Start a religious sect or cult and try and recruit every parent you meet in the month leading up to Halloween
29) Spray any kids that pass with a hose
30) Get committed
31) Pretend you are in mourning. Black suit, black curtains and chopping some large onions should do the trick
32) Board up your windows
33) Put up a “Danger, condemned building” sign
34) Move into a top floor flat
35) Stand at your window, in full view of everyone holding a doll. Stab the doll repeatedly with a knife while staring wildly.
36) Tell everyone you shoot trespassers
37) Get a fake shotgun to back this claim
38) Take up badger watching
39) Fake your own death the day before
40) Lock your gate/fence
41) Put slippery oil or small ball bearings on your garden path
42) Banana skins will also do the trick
43) Cross dress
44) Get a really viscious cat to sip on your door step. Allow it to sharpen its claws on your couch for at least a week before
45) If your name is John Smith, get the nicname Peter “Scrooge” Smith.
46) Peter “Psycho” Smith will also do
47) Rig your door bell to deliver an electric shock instead of ringing
48) Pray for heavy, heavy rain
49) Create a national emergency, which necessitates a curfew
50) Wrap your entire home and garden in cling film
51) Join the army and get called away on a tour of duty
That’s about all I can think of just now… but I may have some more tomorrow. Good luck in avoiding those trick or treaters!
on November 1st, 2007 at 1:29 pm
What happened to number 8?
on November 1st, 2007 at 3:05 pm
I decided that murder just cannot be justified, no matter how much I am tempted.