Comments on: Marks & Spencer Dutch Shortcake

By: Mr. Jay cake

Mr. Jay cake — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 18:48:39 +0000

dear thingmy,

Have you made an incursion into madness? Awarding 10 out of 10 to the Dutch shortcake? Controversial with jam on it! Such youthfull wrecklessness betrays your immaturity. You being a biscuit lover; I would have credited you with above average intelligence. But the “perfect 10″ to the dutch shortcake! ?

Such an abstraction of perfection is downright illogical. How can any bicuity item however gorgeous achieve the full mark? All experience is subjective (see Satre and Vanini). I mean, had you eaten the said biscuit whilst being massaged by a beauty like Carol Vorderman or Terry Venebles, would the score have gone up to eleven? Or winning the lottery whilst being pleasured by Jessca Rabbit, would the score reach 12?
Such perfectamundo ascribingtons to the dutch shortcake call into question your fundamental “shoeness”. good day sir.

By: Mr. Jay cake

Mr. Jay cake — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 18:51:10 +0000

I’m sorry but I just cant let this lie.
I mean 10 out of 10?

By: The Swanson

The Swanson — Sun, 23 Sep 2007 20:49:20 +0000

Yes, I concede the point and perhaps on reflection I was a little premature in my awarding of the full 10 points.

Understand though, that at the time I was completely engulfed in a wave of biscuit euphoria. I am sure you are well aware of the kind.

At such times it is hard to take a step back and be objective.

I will adjust my score accordingly and award the Marks and Spencer Dutch Shortcake a 9, putting it in such high company as the Chocolate Digestive and the Hob Nob.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 13:20:58 +0000

The weetabix. Now, is it a buscuit? Technically its name implies it is, but would you sit with a cup of tea munching on one?
Mind you, the chocolate covered weetabix sounds nice for breakfast. A new product line, perhaps.
Jean Paul Satre would have discarded all that existentialist nonsense if he’d had that for breakfast. Yum.

By: swoider

swoider — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:13:58 +0000

The recent weetabix advertising campaign (”now on weetabix”) suggests that they are trying to promote the product as more than just a breakfast cereal.

Weetabix with banana sans milk, weetabix with ice cream, weetabix with chocolate sauce. An any time product, perfect for a quick nutritious snack. Whether this qualifies the weetabix as a biscuit though I am unsure. As you say, the acid test is whether you would you choose weetabix to accompany your tea? I venture no.

By: King Of Bebo

King Of Bebo — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:15:31 +0000

It would certainly be found in the breakfast cereal section in your local supermarket. Does this mean it can be classed as both. Look at the common Twix as an example. Often found in many a biscuit barrel but can be found in the confectionary section in your local newsagents.

By: The Swanson

The Swanson — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:36:28 +0000

The Twix question, confectionary or biscuit is one of *the* great questions that has troubled many a great mind through the decades. Alas, I do not have the answer, but I will continue to search.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 14:59:17 +0000

The twix is betwixt a biscuit and a confectionary.
Maybe that’s how they came up with the name.
As sheakespeare said ‘what is in a name?’ The answer is letters; vowels and consonants. Unless you are a number, like 007.

By: The Swanson

The Swanson — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:04:34 +0000

So what would be the better name for it then, a Confiscuit or a Bisectionary?

By: The Swanson

The Swanson — Tue, 25 Sep 2007 15:57:16 +0000

Would I be opening up a can of worms if I was to utter the words “Kit Kat”…

By: jay cake

jay cake — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 08:58:57 +0000

I know a guy who’s favourite biscuit is the rusk. I’m wondering if I should report him.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 09:35:25 +0000

I have a biscuit related story.

When I was a student, I donated sperm at a fertility clinic for cash(so I could afford a prostitute). Whilst waiting for my shot,I was given tea and biscuits.In the donation room I was offered erotic magazines to help me along, but I ignored them and just spied on the nurses through the keyhole. However, throughout the ‘event’ I couldn’t wait to get back to my mint club. I never bite the chocolate edges off like the common biscuit eater.

By: King Of Bebo

King Of Bebo — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:10:28 +0000

You see that’s just plain wrong. The whole point of the mint club is the mingle of chocolate, biscuit and white minty filling. Otherwise it defeats the purpose of it being a mint, chocolate biscuit and becomes 3 seperate entities.
Don’t even get me started on people who eat mars bars *that way*.

By: The Swanson

The Swanson — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 10:57:08 +0000

I prefer Orange Clubs, although they do tend to polarise opinion somewhat. A bit live Marmite and Coffee Revels.

I’m also partial to a fruit club. I do like a lot of chocolate on my biscuit, however, the Double chocolate club is a step too far.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 11:31:28 +0000

Mixing milk and dark chocolate on a confiscuit reminds me of john Locke’s explanation of meaning: that language and thoughts are separate entities and not reliant on each other. However he was a garibaldi fan, and didn’t have much of a clue.

By: King Of Bebo

King Of Bebo — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 11:59:54 +0000

A Garibaldi is a dead fly sandwich.

That is all.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 08:47:20 +0000

Most people break kit kats by separating the fingers. I break kit kats in the other direction, in two big chunks. It sure impresses the burds. They know they want it.

By: King Of Bebo

King Of Bebo — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 09:19:26 +0000

Do that with the 4 fingered variety and then I’ll be Impressed.

By: swoider

swoider — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 09:19:48 +0000

I cut across them diagonally with a knife, separating them into 3 kit kat triangles.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 09:23:56 +0000

There’s a specific gizmo from Argos you can buy to build up the finger strength.

By: King Of Bebo

King Of Bebo — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 09:42:07 +0000

I eat kit kats whole. I’m hard me.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 09:47:37 +0000

well I’m building up to breaking a ginger snap with ONE HAND.

By: swoider

swoider — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 09:50:35 +0000

Sadly I am so weak that I have to soften my digestive in my tea before I can bite into it. I once tried to go out for a walk, but I was knocked over by a gust of light wind. South Easternly I think it was.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 11:33:39 +0000

Sounds like you aren’t eating enough man biscuits like the tunnock caramel log

By: swoider

swoider — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 11:58:05 +0000

A man biscuit like the Lionel Richtea?

By: jay cake

jay cake — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 15:20:36 +0000

I want to withdraw my remark about breaking a ginger snap with one hand. It was the drink talking.

Also, the penguin biscuit; is disappointing, almost a chore. Its not worth it. Well I say survival of the fittest and let it die. Yes, I am a biscuit fascist.

By: swoider

swoider — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 15:29:24 +0000

I c-c-c-c-c-c-an’t believe you’d say that about the p-p-p-p-p-penguin.

By: King Of Bebo

King Of Bebo — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 15:46:46 +0000

While we’re on the subject of crap biscuits, there is no point to pink wafers. Their existence is meaningless.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 09:44:22 +0000

ah but all existence is meaningless. and the pink wafer is meaningless within greater meaninglessness. A bit like chris de Burgh.

As the poem goes:

If I had to choose between grief and nothing, I would choose grief.(or the garibaldi)

The pppenguin is such a let down. Its too unchocolately “would you like a penguin with your tea?” oh great thanks. Got any teacakes instead you ponse?

By: The Swanson

The Swanson — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 10:09:10 +0000

Ah, but to paraphrase William Faulkner: -

Given the choice between a penguin and nothing, I would choose the penguin.

By: The Swanson

The Swanson — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 10:14:09 +0000

One of the worst experiences of my childhood was finding out that penguin bars aren’t actually made from real penguins. In fact, believe it or not, they don’t even contain penguin extract.

Ah well at least I can take comfort in knowing the Easter Bunny is real.

By: jay cake

jay cake — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 10:47:22 +0000

and I went back to a shop complaining that their dog biscuits didn’t contain real dog. The staff were really helpful.

By: King Of Bebo

King Of Bebo — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 11:00:56 +0000

Do dog biscuits count as biscuits? Would you have them with your tea? They certainly are not found in the confectionary section in ASDA

By: jay cake

jay cake — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 11:45:40 +0000

no, but they are at Lidl.

By: thyb

thyb — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 17:16:28 +0000

yo yo yo aragon was once again healthy a good allround performance by the jack-face. hi everyone see my bigbro scored a hat-trick at the weekend wot a guy.shortly wee ronnie just shouted me for sausage n mash cant beat it

By: jay cake

jay cake — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 15:45:18 +0000

Did you know the biscuit was named after the Earl of Biscuit, who died and left the recipe for biscuits.

By: Fidget Bronson

Fidget Bronson — Thu, 22 May 2008 09:41:06 +0000

Do they still make Trio biscuits? I used to really really love those.